CUTTING CORDS

After 20 years with an organization, it's hard to cut yourself off completely. And that's what I'm trying to do. I want this place to exist nowhere but on my resume.

I've signed papers; I've asked them to end my e mail address; I've returned every piece of, well, every single item that is connected to the organization. Things keep coming up. Today I found a wedding invitation for next month that's connected with my former employment. I will, of course, send my regrets.

I also found last Xmas's gift certificate from my boss. I never got around to using it. I will, of course, return it to him.

I just want it to be behind me. I don't think I'll be able to move on until every cord is cut. Every link is severed. Everything...

Otherwise, I won't be able to stop hating them.

It's funny but this entire year has been about learning some tough lessons. First my former B.F. practically commits insurance fraud against my health care plan. Now my former colleagues toss me under a the bus.

Of course, the lesson is all about learning how not to let the actions of others affect me. It's a tough lesson. I'm actually doing OK with it...me thinks.

I've done nothing for which I should feel ashamed. The feelings I'm having are pretty darned natural. It's that simple.

And of course, the feelings will change. Soon enough, these fuckhead children of God will mean nothing to me. It will happen.

TODAY

Been a few days since I posted.

Been very busy...nothing big, unless a three-hour 4000-dollar dental appointment counts as big. It always amazes me; we pay dentists thousands of dollars to do to us what Gitmo guards will do as a matter of course.

As an Arab American, maybe I oughta just call the FBI and say, "I am an Arab American and I will be flying United....much to your regret! HA HA HA HA!!!" and then see if I get a trip to Gitmo and the free medical treatment. I don't look good in orange, but I certainly don't look bad. OK...enough black humor.

BLACK HUMOR! BLACK HUMOR! THAT'S WHAT IT IS NSA!!! HUMOR!!! NOT SERIOUS!!!

What else? The economy...jeezus kreiss! Maybe I should just outfit myself for an apple cart now and have done with it. I get very scared as to whether I will have any employment possibilities. I'm over 40...and...I'm over 40...and I'm approaching 50: "Did you say vente or grande?"