TODAY.

I was promised severance, but so far, nothing from my former HR dept. Nada. I won't believe it until I get the paperwork. And so far nothing.

It's hard after being tossed under a bus to trust the tossers. But that's the situation I'm in, and so be it. God I hate this feeling of waiting to exhale.

I won't believe it until the check comes.

It's very hard NOT to be a resentful jerk, but hey...resentments don't do anybody any good. I have to act as if I'm not resentful.

I gotta say a couple of things here: I am the fall-guy for sins, some mine, just as many not. I have to say that I'm very happy to be away from these people.

Do I feel angry? Sure. It's a natural feeling. Am I relieved? Sure. Am I sad? Sure. Am I afraid? Yup.

The thing that pisses me off the most: the bus tossers keep telling me how much I mean to them...how I can celebrate all my accomplishments. Not one of them wrote to say, "Hey, I'm sorry we couldn't own our part in any of this." That's all I ask...some real rigorous honesty.

What they're saying is "You're the problem." That's easier than an integral look at everyone. The honest truth is, "You have problems. We do too. Let's work on them."

I know: I wasn't THE problem; I'm better off without these people in my life. But beyond that? I don't know much of anything.

I know it's an opportunity, yes. I just gotta take it easy on myself; give myself a few weeks to decompress and get on with it.