RIP JESSE HELMS

I always wonder what it is that makes someone do harm to people who've done nothing to them; where does that hate come from? In other words, what was it inside of Jesse Helms that made him spend so much energy trying to hurt gay people?

I asked the same about Rick Santorum, all those guys who seem to have enough intelligence that evolution is a possible outcome. I don't mean big "E" evolution. I mean the kind of evolution that comes from humility and an ability to examine one's prejudices and see them for the bigotry they are.

I have to say that, in my four-plus decades of life, I've yet to find anyone who's desire to harm others is anything but a misplaced desire to kill something inside themselves.

I remember watching "B-1" Bob Dornan attack with a violent demeanor a gay activist he was debating on one of the networks. I watched him react to the activist's calm statements with "vein in the forehead" screaming. And I realized: Bob Dornan is gay. He can't stand it and he has to attack all those who ARE gay to help kill it inside himself.

I remember when I was in high school, all the guys who announced most loudly their conquests with women, in every case, they wound up coming out of the closet later on down the road.

It's pretty much a spiritual axiom that any time one is bothered by someone else...that person has to look inside him or herself to see what's REALLY bothering him or her. It's such a simple truth.

So back to Senator Helms. What was it inside of him that he was able to express not only satisfaction, but genuine glee at hurting gay people? He always seemed happiest when he was hurting people. It was painful to watch and think of all the pain inside of him that made him so happy to spend energy on hurting gay people.

And all that energy spent by people to hurt gay people, who have never been anything, but, ahem, Christian to them, has an effect. It does the trick it's asked to do; it means that gay people grow up and come of age wondering about their own existence. Then they hide and, in their hiding, they come to loathe themselves, and in their self-loathing, they discover a gnawing need to do harm to others in order to kill that part of themselves.

In other words, I've just outlined how we wind up with Gay Republicans.

I hope Senator Helms has found his inner peace. I have to figure that God welcomed him and said, "It's OK Jesse; all is forgiven."